The Honest Heart…

It’s true that only the Heart-Maker enters in with perfect understanding. Though words allow us to connect to a degree, the deeper meanings of experience cannot be fully articulated.

On my bed in the dark of night, waking, I offer prayers to the One who never sleeps. I ask for all the help I’ll need in the light of the following day. I remember my son who sleeps across the hallway unaware that Mama is awake praying on his behalf.

Noah says quite a lot and though he thinks I don’t understand his experience, I do far more than he can imagine. The anger over injustice and the woeful lacking of those in authority who gravely fail to acknowledge their own lacking while holding little ones to account for theirs. I remember…

I remember holding my tongue when my chest was filled to near bursting with anger. I knew I was defeated by a system in place that allowed my silencing regardless of the rightness and truth of my disallowed words. I knew that respect was a one way street. Children are often discounted though in truth they may see more clearly than those who make the rules. Might we adults do well to listen?

Thinking this morning on the drive in to work about Jesus and His Words. An angry world hurls insults at us “foolish” believers insisting restraints on behaviors that He (and His followers) call for are oppressive, divisive, and antiquated, yet without behavioral restraints all value is laid waste and here we are…nothing secure; no objective reality; no moral truth; no dignity.

I’ve measured the competing worldviews and find relief only in the one that reassures of good that will, in the end, overcome evil. I delight in the loving-kindness demonstrated by Jesus and His pure and perfect wisdom that welcomed the children and corrected the Pharisees. I adore the image of Jesus bestowing forgiveness on the humble sinner and rebuking the accusers who were turned away in shame by one simple statement, “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.”

Noah sometimes questions my seeming lack of fear. I temper what I say to him about my past knowing he is still so young and wanting to spare him from my former hurts that would hurt him, too. I answer, “a life lived in fear is no life at all.” So true…

Gifts that result from longsuffering are many; gifts of depth, compassion, courage, and acceptance. We learn not to ask if others are trustworthy. The only question to ask concerning trustworthiness is, “am I trustworthy?” Similarly, I am not to concern myself with other’s intentions, just my own. This life of mine is about developing within myself those values and qualities worth having. I have no control beyond this. I can ask of God to use my life as He wills, knowing He works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). It’s all in His Hands. Leaving matters where they belong is a lesson each one of us must learn for ourselves. Judgment and vengeance belong to The Lord, alone. As much as it is within my power and yours, we are to live peacefully with all. We do this by trusting God’s sovereignty and recognizing our personal limitations.

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