This blog is an attempt to sort through clamoring thoughts concerning the little ones in my life. They occupy not only my thoughts, but my heart too, and rightly so. I’ve seen with unclouded eyes the cost of the past years; confusion, fear, anger, resentment, and hurt. Both boys, not just one; family. We are in this together.
Young, too young, to understand generations long strife and rebellion. All children know is what they see and hear and the overwhelming feelings of being caught, stuck, where they never chose to be.
Children love their families regardless of the amount of ugliness they find there. They are swept along in whatever chaos surrounds them and are left to try and sort it all out when their minds are not yet capable and their emotions are too heavy, and as they struggle, they create more strife that becomes theirs to unravel, to resolve, and how, when it is a mountain and they are small?
The slightly older boy looks on, grappling with his own sense of insecurity after learning that trust is fragile and easily broken and even peace at home can be swallowed by anger unchecked dividing families and devastating lives. No longer can we have an unexpected guest pull into the driveway without fear consuming him, sending him running away to hide until assured we are safe. Still…and nightmares, vivid, as he remembers the brokenness that showed up and moved in, the tears and stories of the little one shared with him and the sore bruises the little one bore for days…trauma, folks, this has been a hard road and continues to be, for two young boys and for all of us who love them!
Hard to even count all the costs as we continue to find vulnerable places created from the havoc wreaked by those who continue to deny truth and seek their own way. How grievously sad…I hope, I truly hope, transformative change has occurred in the lives of the offenders because the dreadful need cannot be overstated.
Forgiveness is a command and forgive I do; however forgiveness of the guilty does not erase the trauma of the innocent. We continue to try to heal the wounds and repair the breach.
I get that “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness…” yet we see these manifest in the lives of many who have refused the goodness offered by Christ. Fruit…look for it, not when it is convenient and self-benefitting, but when it is costly and humbling, and then you will find credible evidence. Until then, we cannot know. This is worthy of remembrance for all…
So…we continue day by day hoping for healing, for growth, for all we’ve faced to be used as training in righteousness for both boys. I take great comfort knowing that God raises up righteous leaders from among the ruins. He hears the sincere prayers of the broken and He rewards those who diligently seek Him.
For old testament readers, you may understand why, when my grandson was just a baby, and I came across scripture on Josiah, I wept with hope as I found that though those who came before him were not, Josiah was a good king who did righteously before the Lord. There is hope in Jesus, and I’m anchored there, though surely the storms’ waves return again and again, my anchor holds…