the late hours…

As has been the way of things for the better part of 20 years, in times of deeper need, my mind allows sleep to come and stay just long enough to restore to a place of wakefulness so that I can begin again to look to what lies ahead.

Oh, the looking, for all the good it does, to an unknown future…I remind myself of God’s faithfulness. I recall who He is, who He has been not only to me, but to all those who came before me that sought to follow Him. I take both comfort and note…He is with me, but it can still be very hard.

So what is all this wakefulness for? Well now, that brings me to those entrusted to my care. My children, and also, to my grandson.

How truly binding it is, to face what we cannot speak freely about, yet carry daily the dread of knowing, all is not well. Much lay under the surface, beyond what I can see, in days to come, if The Lord lingers, we face more.

So many fronts, demands everywhere I turn, yet so many good things, so many blessings, opportunities to love and to serve, I truly give thanks, but I hurt…

These children, all 3, though one is adult that makes no matter to the heart of a mother, are so dear. Though all other areas of my life abound in peace, when there is trouble in one of these 3, there is trouble also in me.

I seek refuge in places it is to be found, among others who share the deepest values, the same faith, conviction and hope. The friends who come alongside with prayers, with encouragement, with genuine affection, they make the difference most days between smiles and tears. Not complaining, but being real, this mother road is hard.

These words, “with singleness of heart,” have been with me in past days, reminding me of the greatest purpose. As I walk, admittedly not knowing how, in so many situations, I hear Him speak, “honor Me.” I try…I believe I do…I am imperfect, but that is allowed. He made room with grace to cover us. He, through Christ, bridged the gap, closed the divide, and brought us close…How Thankful for that…”with singleness of heart” is good enough, it is my body, a living sacrifice, my reasonable service, daily walking in truth…

These lessons, no one wants their precious ones to learn what matters most more than I want that for mine. I find no other way to teach it than to live it, marrying words with actions motivated by heart, daily, in every situation, as best I can. There is no other way…

I read, near continually, and study: development, scripture, devotions, news, research. At the end of the day and in the night hours, as well as when I rise with first light, “singleness of heart” is still the one way, the only way to live this life whole.

I must be the same at home, at work, in peace and in conflict, with believers and unbelievers. In these times more than any other, I recognize the need for consistency, for clarity, for integrity. It all matters.

So these 3, these three that I bear in my heart, weigh heavy and delight. They are my daily call to remember what matters most. I am to love them well through every storm, every challenge, every victory and triumph. They are gifts to be honored, to be cherished. May I do it well…

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