Beloved…

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”
“One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life…”
“When thou said, Seek my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord will I seek.” (some of my favorite passages from Psalm 27)

I’ve spent so much time in my life worrying, fearing, and buried with anxiety over what others would think… of my decisions, of my actions, of me…I’m growing older with the passing of days and my heart feels the weariness from spending too much time where my thoughts ought not to dwell. Oh this journey, this long and challenging journey we call life is one wrought with so many lessons needing to be learned. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned most of them the hard way and still am I guess but with less resistance to the way of grace.

When I’m up against others’ judgements these days, I quickly find myself longing to know I won’t press in hurtfully on the minds of those I love the way I feel pressed upon still at times. Oh goodness, is there anything more that we can do than walk honestly, humbly, and in obedience to God as best we can discern according to His Word? I think not. When judgement falls against me when I’m walking as best I know then so be it. I am forever finding the Lord now calling me to concern myself only with obeying Him and His Word and not to expend precious time and energy on concerns of others over which I have no control and to whom I am not bound to offer explanation. Healthy, loving relationships require us to trust the heart of those to whom we are attached. When disagreements or misunderstandings threaten the ties that bind, what is revealed is lack of genuine lasting love.

Surely I fail and make many mistakes but I’ve yet to find another who doesn’t, so why do I suffer and struggle over their thoughts about me? Well, I guess that’s the old insecurity that resides beneath the surface of most our minds. We long to be loved, to be thought well of, to be accepted and safe don’t we? Isn’t that at the core of who we are as human beings? Yet, we are offered freedom from this bondage through the sufficiency of God’s grace. He alone is our sufficiency, our confidence because we are accepted in The Beloved (Ephesians 1:6). What grace abounds if only we can rest there instead of pulling away, back into ourselves and others. I want to walk in such a way that others will know I will only look at them through the eyes of love recognizing regardless of any failures of their own, I know mine to be just as great, my weakness just as deep, so that nothing but gentleness and grace will be offered. Lord, help me to be that blessing to all those who come my way.

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