The thing with love is that it pulls us out of ourselves. It is as if a piece of my heart is walking around outside of my body creating a vulnerability unlike any other. No matter what circumstances we face, that bond, that connection, that tie of love holds.
I long for simpler times…for a trusting and gentleness to undergird my days. Honesty is one of the beautiful gifts in relationship. When we know where we stand with others, when words hold the power of truth, then words exchanged have great and unchanging value. Otherwise, words are meaningless and instead of offering assurance, they hover with lingers of doubt. I hate that. I hate all that causes breach in relationship, that devalues the beauty of the heart’s willing offering of it’s purest gift…love.
As I’ve lived long enough to have lost a number of loved ones to death, I often shudder with the realization that those who choose to live a life of chaos and in constant discord with those around them will one day face the closed lid of a casket, under which will lay a person they could have chosen to bless instead of burden, to uplift instead of crush, to embrace instead of shun. What then, for the one who knew to choose a better way? What then of whatever prompted the breach? Will it have been worth it? The source of the discord? Or would that remaining living breathing person choose differently if they had taken the finite nature of this life seriously. If only they had stopped to ponder the gift of the relationship offered by the one who no longer lives.
I guess becoming acquainted with death at such a very early age and not just death, but death resulting from suicide by a kind-hearted, gentle, loving, precious woman whom I loved adoringly, forever imprinted on my mind and heart the value of the given day, and the finite nature of this temporary world. Whatever the cause of my pondering, I am grateful. I know that nothing, no tangible thing in this world holds value to be compared to the heart of someone I love.